Conversational Strategies For The Conversationally Impaired

Four techniques to bring out your inner charisma

Photo by Phil Coffman on Unsplash

An iconic NYC radio station shuttered last week. It’s insignificant in the scheme of things. Nobody cares about FM radio anymore. My kids don’t even know it exists. Still, the announcement made me nostalgic for my childhood.

I called a friend of mine to share the news. We exchanged funny childhood stories that we associated with the radio station. Nostalgia makes conversation easier by dredging up fond memories and stories. It’s one of the four strategies I’ll share with you.

As a mostly quiet individual, I was always a poor conversationalist. I managed the introductory pleasantries well enough but then seemed to lose my tongue unless my conversation partner possessed the skills and desire to string me along.

Entering the sales profession forced me to improve. I was fortunate to have amazing mentors back in my sales days. It’s been fourteen years since I left that profession, but I still use these techniques to carry me through conversations.

Speaking is overrated

Sure, you need to talk to converse, but don’t underestimate the power of listening and observing. Pay attention to body language, tonality, and words.

Most salespeople are taught the 7% Rule at some point in their careers. It states that “55% of communication comes from body language. 38% comes from tonality, and only 7% is the words themselves.”

This rule stems from a misinterpretation of experiments run by Dr. Albert Mehrabian in 1967. Decades later, smart people accept these numbers as if God handed them to Moses as the eleventh commandment.

Communication is multi-faceted. Body language, tonality and words matter forget about ratios and percentages. You need to pay attention to all of it.

Watch for body language hints: a dismissive hand wave, roll of the eyes, staring at the floor, a smug smile. You know what these mean.

Listen not only for tonality but for nuances in speech. Compare these two sentences.

“I really liked that movie.”

“I kind of liked that movie.”