How To Charm People When You Lack Charm

The six techniques

Barry Davret
7 min readMay 8, 2022


Licensed from Shutterstock // Nestor Rizhniack

Have you ever walked into a room, observed the cliques of people laughing and chatting, and thought, “Oh crap, how do I navigate this so I don’t look like a lonely loser?”

That’s 7th grader’s mentality where your value revolves around your likability or popularity score, but it was one I retained until my 30s due to my perceived lack of charisma and charm.

If nature endowed you with the ability to captivate a crowd merely by opening your mouth, you’ve probably never fretted at the sight of strangers or even acquaintances engaged in closed conversations, oblivious to your existence.

Perhaps you’re the type who inserts themselves into a conversation, grabs everyone's attention, and leaves everyone craving for more.

For those of us who don’t have the skill imprinted on our DNA, there’s hope.

Eighteen years ago, a chance encounter with a soon-to-be mentor taught me that exhibiting charm — the type that enables you to delight and captivate others — is nothing more than a set of techniques that anyone can master.

It’s time to dispel the myth that either you have it or don’t, the false belief that no amount of practice or training can make up for what nature denied you. Sure, a naturally charismatic person may possess more raw talent, but someone forced to fight for every inch can outperform someone who takes their gift for granted.

Charm is all about making your conversational partners feel comfortable, valued, and like they’re the only one that matters regardless of who else might be present.

Here’s how it works.

Discover their baseline

Most folks, even those with natural charisma, begin with dreadfully overused questions like, “What do you do for a living?”

It’s not terrible, but it’s cliché and, therefore, forgettable. Ideally, you want to find out your peers’ professional or work basics, what they do in their free time and the skills at which they excel. It’s also helpful to learn one unusual nugget of information that sets them apart or makes them unique. It’s easy in theory but challenging in practice, and you need to do it without…



Barry Davret

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