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The New “Old” Rules Of Civility
Seven ways to engage in a divisive world
A few days ago, I attended a school board meeting. I know. I know. It’s the new battlefield for the soul of America, and I don’t mean battlefield in a figurative sense.
The board called this special meeting to discuss a petition started by parents to institute more stringent policies to control the spread of Covid.
It’s almost cliché for these meetings to devolve into verbal abuse, spitting, and taunting by immature adults like you’ll see with these fine parents.
But our meeting was nothing of the sort. With one minor exception, the parents behaved admirably, expressing passionate demands while remaining civil. Even those who offered differing views maintained decorum.
These throwbacks to civility give me hope, but they’re becoming relics of an earlier era. Politeness and common courtesy have taken a backseat to outrage. It seems we’ve forgotten the rules for engaging with fellow citizens who espouse alternate worldviews.
The basics of civility haven’t changed, but the game of life has evolved, and so must the rules. These seven principles won’t solve our differences, and those who benefit most probably won’t follow them anyway, but we can hope.
Shun the keyboard in favor of the coffee shop.
There are two kinds of leadership on display. Fake leaders bloviate behind a social media account and those who hit the streets to fight for a cause or volunteer to tackle a problem plaguing their community.
The former isn’t leadership; it’s merely a performative stunt that generates emotional satisfaction. And since we do it from behind a keyboard, there’s no motivation to act with civility. The furor caused on a Facebook page can spill over into real life. We don’t forget when a neighbor posts “You’re a f*cking moron” for the entire community to see.
Stop engaging on social media and start conversing over coffee. I’ve never seen a heated argument break out on comfy leather couches while sipping a latte. When face to face with another human, we watch our language, argue respectfully, and mostly talk about subjects that won’t cause tension.
